Dream: The weight of your absence
Sep. 15th, 2005 10:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mokie_edomThe weight of your absence
Half-awake in my bed I looked up and saw my mother. She had my grandmother's dead body slung over her shoulder. She complained about Grandma--something she'd done that had repercussions long after her death, though I can't remember the specific words now. She said, "And she got [my grandfather's] money. That's what she wanted, since she was nineteen."
I was shocked. None of this was anything Mom would normally say about Grandma, but she was furious. She tried to maneuver the body but it was awkward, and I pointed out that she could set her down on the stairs (we were now out of my bedroom and on the porch), but she wouldn't do it. Instead she turned around to take her inside but began to fall under the weight.
I'm afraid I lost the wording of her rant in all of my snoozebar reprieves. Money was only one of her complaints, though.
Notes and explanatory details
#1. Mom is currently struggling to keep up with the bills for my grandmother's house. Though she talks of moving, and intends to move, she is slow to put this plan into action; I've begun to feel she's dragging her feet. She insists that she doesn't want to stay in this house, to be trapped the rest of her life by its upkeep and repair the way Grandma was, but at the same time, I think she's afraid to be loose of it, of the certainty and security and familiarity of it.
In essence, she's staggering under the weight of Grandma's remains.
#2. My grandmother wasn't a golddigger, and my grandfather wasn't rich, and my mother would never say anything like that about her mother. Why it was thrown out there in by dream-Mom, I have no idea.
Half-awake in my bed I looked up and saw my mother. She had my grandmother's dead body slung over her shoulder. She complained about Grandma--something she'd done that had repercussions long after her death, though I can't remember the specific words now. She said, "And she got [my grandfather's] money. That's what she wanted, since she was nineteen."
I was shocked. None of this was anything Mom would normally say about Grandma, but she was furious. She tried to maneuver the body but it was awkward, and I pointed out that she could set her down on the stairs (we were now out of my bedroom and on the porch), but she wouldn't do it. Instead she turned around to take her inside but began to fall under the weight.
I'm afraid I lost the wording of her rant in all of my snoozebar reprieves. Money was only one of her complaints, though.
Notes and explanatory details
#1. Mom is currently struggling to keep up with the bills for my grandmother's house. Though she talks of moving, and intends to move, she is slow to put this plan into action; I've begun to feel she's dragging her feet. She insists that she doesn't want to stay in this house, to be trapped the rest of her life by its upkeep and repair the way Grandma was, but at the same time, I think she's afraid to be loose of it, of the certainty and security and familiarity of it.
In essence, she's staggering under the weight of Grandma's remains.
#2. My grandmother wasn't a golddigger, and my grandfather wasn't rich, and my mother would never say anything like that about her mother. Why it was thrown out there in by dream-Mom, I have no idea.
