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mokie_edomBefore my grandmother died in May, she used to babysit the children of a cousin. When she became too ill to continue, I took over temporarily, and with her death was left with it until they could find a more permanent replacement.
I went over one morning at 5am and laid down on their couch to catnap until the kids woke up. On the edge of dreaming, I thought I heard my grandmother in the bedroom, telling the two older kids that it was time to get up and get ready for school. Then she walked into the living room, sat down on the seat next to my head, and began talking to me.
The only thing she could get out verbally was a single word, perhaps 'flood', perhaps 'rain'. (The word was connected with water, but I can't remember it clearly now.) She appeared to be trying to choke up more words, the way she choked the night before she died, and her face was the same--waxy and strange. Her lips moved, but nothing more would come out.
And then I was fully asleep and dreaming. My family was back at a hospital to take care of her, except it wasn't a hospital for the living. Doctors were studying us, and her, and trying to teach and treat us all at the same time. Gran was still sick, still there, but now dead, so there was less we or they could do for her, and we were all sitting around as miserable and confused as before. The doctors could tell us very little, and we were finally moved over into a hotel-like wing where families could stay while all of this was going on--or indefinitely, as the case may be.
I remember little else, besides a tangent in which we were all gathered in a cafeteria. One of the kids (Blue) asked for part of my meal. I agreed, turned to answer someone, and turned back to discover she'd run off with the entire thing.
Notes and explanatory details:
#1: My grandmother had been ill for quite some time before she died, suffering from a terminal cancer that caused her great pain. She'd been in and out of the hospital and at the end was cared for by family at home. It was a horrible way to go for her, lingering on in pain, and wasn't much fun for the family either, watching and waiting.
Watching the kids had been the only thing keeping her going for a long time, and dreaming of her checking up on the kids is perhaps my way of keeping her going now that she's gone. The second part of the dream, I fear, isn't so pleasant--a little fear that, even now that she's dead, she's still somehow lingering in pain that no one can cure or alleviate.
#2: I'm not the only one who has dreamt of her recently. The cousin whose children she watched dreamt that Grandma walked into the house, checked on the kids, and led her outside to give her a hug. Another cousin dreamt that he was standing in a large field and heard her calling his name, but couldn't find her.
Then there's the cat.
When my grandfather died, a stray cat suddenly came calling around. A week after my grandmother's death, another cat showed up, which some members of the family have taken to be significant.
#3. Regarding her water-related message, we have recently been having problems with the ceiling leaking, and thus I might just have water on the brain, so to speak.
I went over one morning at 5am and laid down on their couch to catnap until the kids woke up. On the edge of dreaming, I thought I heard my grandmother in the bedroom, telling the two older kids that it was time to get up and get ready for school. Then she walked into the living room, sat down on the seat next to my head, and began talking to me.
The only thing she could get out verbally was a single word, perhaps 'flood', perhaps 'rain'. (The word was connected with water, but I can't remember it clearly now.) She appeared to be trying to choke up more words, the way she choked the night before she died, and her face was the same--waxy and strange. Her lips moved, but nothing more would come out.
And then I was fully asleep and dreaming. My family was back at a hospital to take care of her, except it wasn't a hospital for the living. Doctors were studying us, and her, and trying to teach and treat us all at the same time. Gran was still sick, still there, but now dead, so there was less we or they could do for her, and we were all sitting around as miserable and confused as before. The doctors could tell us very little, and we were finally moved over into a hotel-like wing where families could stay while all of this was going on--or indefinitely, as the case may be.
I remember little else, besides a tangent in which we were all gathered in a cafeteria. One of the kids (Blue) asked for part of my meal. I agreed, turned to answer someone, and turned back to discover she'd run off with the entire thing.
Notes and explanatory details:
#1: My grandmother had been ill for quite some time before she died, suffering from a terminal cancer that caused her great pain. She'd been in and out of the hospital and at the end was cared for by family at home. It was a horrible way to go for her, lingering on in pain, and wasn't much fun for the family either, watching and waiting.
Watching the kids had been the only thing keeping her going for a long time, and dreaming of her checking up on the kids is perhaps my way of keeping her going now that she's gone. The second part of the dream, I fear, isn't so pleasant--a little fear that, even now that she's dead, she's still somehow lingering in pain that no one can cure or alleviate.
#2: I'm not the only one who has dreamt of her recently. The cousin whose children she watched dreamt that Grandma walked into the house, checked on the kids, and led her outside to give her a hug. Another cousin dreamt that he was standing in a large field and heard her calling his name, but couldn't find her.
Then there's the cat.
When my grandfather died, a stray cat suddenly came calling around. A week after my grandmother's death, another cat showed up, which some members of the family have taken to be significant.
#3. Regarding her water-related message, we have recently been having problems with the ceiling leaking, and thus I might just have water on the brain, so to speak.
